Redemption
by Ebonrune
Summary: A century after Loki's imprisonment, someone would eventually check on the prisoner-the monster, the traitor. This someone wore a red cape and held a hammer, but that's insignificant. What does matter is what he saw, scrawled in blood on the grimy floor-words that were a hundred years too late: 'I am sorry'. But is anything ever too late?
1. Rescue

Disclaimer: This was originally a one-shot, but at the pleading of several reviewers, I've decided to acquiesce to their wishes and write more. I own nothing but the idea which formed the story, and I make no profit from having written it. Characters within belong to Marvel. Summary (I believe) written by kaedith on Tumblr.

* * *

Thor scanned the walls of the forgotten place and found more words awaiting him there. Some, like the ones scrawled on the floor, were written in blood, once red and long since gone black. Others were merely imprinted through the grime and partially erased by time. Angry words, sorrowful words. Words swearing revenge, and words begging forgiveness. He stepped through the room slowly, reading the words written by the forsaken once Prince and he stopped at one wall. This wall seemed at first no different from the others, words scrawled across it begging forgiveness and promising pain if he ever escaped.

Thor knelt down, crouching carefully in the dirt and looked at the words written at the bottom of the wall, scraped in over and over and smeared in blood both old and new. 'I am Loki', it said. One sentence over and over, written straight across the bottom of that wall. As if Loki had written it to remind himself of his name, of his existence.

He straightened up again and turned, walking with slow, sure steps toward the opposite corner. In this corner, Loki was curled. He lay in the dirt, in the filth and the grime. It coated his body thickly so he almost blended into the place which had been his prison for so long. His hair was impossibly tangled into dark dreadlocks as dirty as the rest of him, lying long about his naked and filthy form like the legs of a hungry spider.

Thor stopped when he stood over this sad creature, the one who had brought upon Asgard destruction and ruin. There was nothing to Loki's figure, so thin and neglected, that was like the arrogant Trickster who had stood before the shining city and ordered his minions to bring about its downfall so long before. Asgard had won that day, but only barely. Ragnarok had been averted, but only just, and Loki had been found, captured and then thrown into this foul pit to rot.

And now, a century later when Thor finally had leave to come to Loki, take the chance to ask him why, ask him what had driven him to his act of ultimate betrayal, he wondered if the answer mattered any more. Here was the one who had been his brother, and was his brother still. The Frost Giant who wore an Aesir skin, who was called monster, and who had betrayed. But perhaps it was Loki who had been betrayed first. Maybe the answer mattered after all, for how else would Thor know how to prevent it a second time?

"Loki." He spoke, his voice soft but piercing in the otherwise silence.

Loki jerked and turned, eyes wide in surprise. He had taken no note of Thor's soft footfalls, perhaps in his long isolation he had forgotten what footsteps sounded like. Thor stared into those green eyes, wide with terror but dull with magic long chained by the collar around his neck. Once it had been polished gold, but now it was as dirty as the rest of him. Those eyes were like a deer's eyes, Thor thought. The eyes of cornered prey. Eyes Loki was never meant to have.

Slowly the terror faded from those eyes, to be replaced by an emotion Thor didn't understand, for he had never seen bleak despair before and so could not recognize it. "One and one and one again." Loki spoke softly, his voice slurred and clumsy, his once quick and clever tongue slow and sluggish from disuse. "One and one and one. You have come. You are here." He turned slowly in the grime and sat up, keeping his eyes on Thor's the entire time he moved.

"I am here." Thor answered him, though he was uncertain what Loki meant.

Loki glanced at Mjölnir, then back at Thor and a strange hope began to bloom in his eyes. "It is time?"

Thor frowned slightly in puzzlement. "Loki, I have come for you."

"Yes." Loki sighed and his eyes closed briefly before he opened them once more. He began to smile and tears escaped his eyes to work their stubborn way down his cheeks, creating furrows in the dirt. "Loki. I am Loki. You are so kind to say it. So kind." He shifted into a kneel before Thor and bowed his head.

It was several moments before Thor realized what Loki was doing, and that realization struck him to his very core. He was sitting such as a condemned man would sit before his executioner. Loki thought that Thor had come to kill him.

Thor reached down to grasp a filthy arm and pull Loki all unresisting, to his feet. "No, brother." He said, pain in his eyes and voice. "I haven't come to kill you. I've come to take you home."

The confusion in Loki's eyes quite nearly broke Thor's heart and then he looked at the hand grasping his arm. "Brother...?" He intoned softly. His head snapped back up, expression an open mask of shocked surprise. "You are Thor."

Thor's heart _did_ break then. It had been so long that Loki had forgotten what Thor looked like. Caring not for the grime that coated Loki's body, Thor pulled him close in an embrace. "It's time to go home, brother." He spoke softly. "I'm here to take you home."

"Home..." Loki closed his eyes and leaned against Thor. He allowed himself to be led out into the light, allowed himself to be taken back to Asgard.

It was not only Loki's words that had come a hundred years too late, but so had Thor's. Loki's penance was over, but for Thor it was only just beginning.


	2. Penance

Disclaimer: You pleaded, you begged, you offered your first born children! I now present to you hopefully exactly what you were asking for. I own nothing but the idea which formed the story, and I make no profit from having written it. Characters within belong to Marvel.

* * *

It was heartbreaking watching Loki's expression as Thor carried him, wrapped in his cloak, into Asgard. Loki stared about at everything with awe and fear by turns as if he'd never seen any of it before. Arriving on the Bifröst, he had stared at Heimdall in confusion, then been distracted when he was carried outside and saw the Rainbow Bridge. He'd stared at it in fascination, then tears had escaped his eyes and he'd smiled. "Pretty." He'd whispered.

Thor didn't know what to think of any of it. He'd bundled his brother closer to himself when they'd reached the palace proper, turning his face gently away from the stares of others. He wished he could close his ears against the mutterings, but fortunately Loki didn't seem to notice the scorn and disgust.

Thor had to admit to himself that he hadn't thought much past getting Loki home, but he also had to admit that he couldn't possibly have anticipated it would be as bad as it was. He hadn't thought Loki would be naked or so filthy, and he hadn't thought that a mere hundred years-normally nothing more than a blinking to an Asgardian-could rob the glib trickster of his wits. He had to talk to their parents, but first he knew, he had to take care of Loki.

He entered Loki's room, which he'd ordered cleaned the day before in anticipation of fetching back his sibling. It still smelled a little musty from having been closed up for so long, but all Thor cared was if they had restocked the bathing room. Nudging the door open with his foot, he entered with his fragile cargo and set Loki down by the empty pool before straightening and going to find heating stones for the water as well as soaps, pleased when he discovered both in abundance.

Turning to come back with his findings, he noticed dirty footprints and paused, frowning before he realized that they were his own. He felt a flash of panic, imagining how furious Loki would be before he remembered that Loki barely knew his own name. The smile that touched the Thunderer's lips was without humor as he continued his short trip back to the younger. It would be so much better if Loki would be angry with him. It would be preferable to this broken thing wearing his sibling's skin.

Loki hadn't moved from where he'd been placed, holding the cloak around himself with loose fingers, head hanging low with some of his dreadlocked hair obscuring his filthy face. Looking at him, Thor felt his heart crack anew and he wondered again how such a short span of time could have broken him so completely.

He knelt at the younger's side to deposit the soaps and stones, then reached out to turn on the spigot. The water sputtered at first and ran a rusty color for a few moments before the apparatus shuddered and the water turned clear. Satisfied that it would fill up properly, Thor turned to Loki only to pause at the expression on the once trickster's face.

Loki had his head cocked slightly to the side, watching the water with absolute incomprehension, as if he didn't know what he was looking at and Thor slowly settled back on his legs as conflicting emotions crashed though his mind. He slowly reached out to grasp his arm after a few moments. "Loki."

Loki's attention shifted immediately, his eyes meeting Thor almost shyly. "Thor." He acknowledged him, and there was such naked joy in his voice that it once more sent conflicting emotions through Thor. Tears pricked his eyes.

"Please," Thor whispered, voice choked. "Please tell me this is a trick, a joke. I deserve it, I know I deserve it, but please..."

But Loki's expression only became confused, and Thor let out a laugh that was mostly a sob.

"Come brother, let's get you cleaned up."

* * *

Thor had had to empty and refill the tub several times in the process of scrubbing Loki clean. Loki had not protested this process, nor the rough bathing Thor subjected him to, even when the Thunder God accidentally rubbed his skin raw. He didn't even protest when Thor took a dagger to his hair, cutting most of it off to be rid of the filthy, knotted dreads.

Finally, after two hours of cleaning every inch of Loki that he could possibly clean, Thor drained the tub one last time and helped Loki out so he could dry him-and himself-and guide Loki gently to walk on his own feet out to the main room and bed, where he directed him to sit so he could find clothes for him to wear.

Coming back several minutes later with green silk pants, Thor found-unsurprisingly at this point- that he had to help Loki to put them on. With his heart in his eyes, Thor reached out afterward to cup the back of Loki's head in his hand and draw their foreheads together. "I am so sorry, brother." He whispered. "I didn't know, I couldn't have known...I'll make this right somehow, I promise."

Loki stood placidly while Thor held him, expression absolutely bewildered as if he couldn't process what was being said to him. Thor drew back slowly and swallowed hard.

"You should get some rest, Loki..." He spoke thickly. "I need to...I need to speak to our parents. I will bring you food later." He couldn't bear it any longer and turned to go, trying to convince himself that he wasn't running away. He stopped by his own room long enough to get clean and dry clothing, and then headed swiftly to the throne room.

"Father. Mother." He greeted them without preamble once he saw that Odin was not currently attending to anything.

"Thor." Frigga smiled to her son. "Come to reclaim your throne?"

"Not yet." Thor looked to Odin, noting his weary appearance and he stepped closer. "Father, can you yet remain for perhaps a few days longer? I am sorry. I do not mean to neglect the throne, but Loki..." He paused, swallowing hard and looking between them. "Loki is not well."

"It is expected that he would be weakened after his exile." Odin spoke. "Do not give him-"

"It is more than that, Father." Thor inclined his head to the Allfather, reminded of their current switch in rank from the look he was given. "Apologies for interrupting, Father...but it is more than that. Loki is..." He pursed his lips and shook his head. "He is an idiot."

"Thor?" Frigga frowned.

"He barely remembers his own name, Mother." Thor spread his hands imploringly. "He didn't even know who I was until I called him brother. He has forgotten everything, even how to dress himself. His exile has taken his glib words as well, he barely seems able to form a sentence!" Thor's distress was evident by the end, eyes wide and filled with tears.

Odin and Frigga exchanged a glance, then looked back at their eldest. "How can you be certain this is not a trick of his, Thor?" Frigga asked, clasping her hands together tightly as she spoke.

Thor thought about it, frowning deeply and furrowing his brow. "...I don't." He admitted at last, reluctantly. "Save that I cannot imagine Loki being willing to degrade himself quite that much." But it _had_ been a century since Loki had last been seen. Perhaps in that time, he had become willing to fake helplessness and incomprehension.

He bowed deeply to his parents. "Until Loki gives me reason to believe he is performing a trick, I can only assume it is the truth. Just please, give me a few days more. Can you give me that time?"

Odin sighed heavily, but then he inclined his head. "Care for your brother then, Thor. It is your compassion which helps to make you a good King."

"Will you come to see him?" Thor asked, trying not to sound like he was begging. They would be able to confirm the truth or fakery with their own eyes that way.

"Later." Frigga responded, and gave Thor a slight smile. "Once court is concluded, perhaps we will come then."

Thor nodded and, with nothing else to say, departed their company to grab food for Loki and then return to the younger's room with it.

* * *

Thor entered Loki's room to find him curled up in a tight ball on his canopy bed. Uncertain whether he was asleep or not, Thor moved as quietly as he could to put down the tray of food on what had once been Loki's worktable and then stepped over to the bed.

Loki's eyes were open, his face tear-stained. He shifted his gaze when Thor approached and relief came over his expression.

"You are here." He said, pushing himself into a sit. "You came back."

Thor furrowed his brow and moved to sit beside him. "Of course I came back, Loki. I said I was going to speak to our parents and then bring you food, which I have done."

Loki showed confusion before he mimicked Thor's expression and frowned. "Oh...yes, you did say that." He smiled in embarrassment and brought his hands up to rub his eyes with his palms.

Thor licked his lips and stared at Loki worryingly. Had his exile truly made him so simple, or was this really an elaborate ruse as Frigga surmised? Noticing something, Thor's gaze shifted to look at Loki's neck. The choker which kept Loki's magic locked away caught the light dully, but Thor was more interested in the red marks around it.

"Was the choker bothering you, Loki?" Thor asked slowly.

Loki blinked at him, then slowly brought a hand up to his neck. "Don't like it." He said. "Itches, burns, hurts." He looked up at Thor, his expression imploring. "Take it off?"

Thor frowned. As the King of Asgard, he had the key to unlock it. However, he was left wondering if he should. Like this, Loki was all but harmless, or at least couldn't cause nearly as much mischief, presuming that his odd behavior was an act. That aside, if it _wasn't_ a trick and Loki really was this bad off, would his magic cause problems for him? With all he had forgotten, what if he hurt himself?

"I'll have to think about it." Thor responded at length. He'd have to talk to Frigga after she would come to see Loki about the problems his magic might cause him.

Loki dropped his gaze, fingers curling loosely over the choker. "Please?" He intoned softly. "Hate it."

"I'm sure you do Loki, but it's not that simple. Releasing your magic is something that needs to be carefully considered, and there are many of Asgard who are upset enough that you're even here. I have to take into account what the people want, too."

"Why?" Loki blinked at him.

"...I am King, Loki."

"King?" Loki stared for several moments before he gave an open-mouthed smile that was quite unlike his old expressions. "Are you a good King?"

Thor smiled a bit back, trying not to look uncomfortable at Loki's strangeness. "The Nine Realms haven't fallen yet, so I would like to think so."

Loki brought up a hand to pat Thor's cheek. "Keep it up."

Thor laughed softly, though his eyes were sad. "I'll do my best." He moved to stand up. "Come brother, you should eat. I've brought plenty of food for you."

Loki nodded and followed the older over to the table, though he wouldn't sit until Thor did, and he refused to touch the food until Thor handed him a loaf of bread and told him to eat it.

Thor watched Loki as he ate in silent concern. The younger had also lost his table manners and ate in the way he had so oft in the past scorned Thor for doing. Surely this was no trick. Loki would never degrade himself to such a level. No, Thor was becoming more and more convinced that, distressing as this was, it was the truth.

Once Loki had gotten started, he didn't stop eating again until he'd cleaned up every last scrap and even snapped the bones in half to get at the cooked marrow inside. With the plate seeming almost clean enough to eat off yet a second time, Loki finally sat back and patted his midsection contently. "Full."

"Are you certain, brother?" Thor asked in all seriousness. "I could fetch more for you if you wished."

"Kings don't fetch." Loki licked his fingers. "Full." He repeated and smiled at Thor in what seemed to be child-like happiness. "Good food."

Thor looked back at him mournfully for a couple of moments before he stood, stepping around the table to Loki's side. With a groan of emotional pain, he sank to a kneel at Loki's side, reaching out to hug him and bury his face in his torso.

"Forgive me, Loki." He whispered, voice choked. "I didn't know you would be like this, I couldn't have known! If I had I would have brought you back sooner in spite of it all, I swear I would have!"

Loki didn't respond, his body tense in Thor's embrace. Slowly though, Thor felt Loki relax again and then fingers were lightly running though his hair.

"Don't lie to me." Loki spoke softly in a tone that was far more familiar. "I'm the liar, not you."

Thor's head came up in surprise, half-expecting the ruse to finally be over, only to find that though the voice and words were more of the old Loki, his facial expressions still weren't matching up. Loki looked back at Thor with an expression of tired sadness and he moved his hand to stroke Thor's beard, his thumb catching and wiping away an errant tear that escaped Thor's eye.

"Kings don't cry." He chided gently.

"Kings may cry if they choose to." Thor responded, trying to keep his voice from wavering too much. If Loki was going to reveal a trick, now would have been the time to do it with Thor kneeling at his side. That there seemed to be no trick washed away the last of his doubts. This was the truth, and Loki was broken.

The tableau was shattered abruptly when there was a firm knocking at the door, Thor quickly rose to his feet and wiped at his eyes before he called for the knocker to enter.

The door opened and Frigga stepped in with Odin behind her. She began to smile when her eyes settled upon her sons, but then she paused and the smile became a worried frown. Odin too stopped beside his wife, brow furrowed. Thor at first didn't know what the problem was until a strangled noise from behind him prompted him to turn and look at Loki, who was staring at them in abject terror. As if Thor's turning was some kind of cue, he abruptly launched himself out of the chair with enough force to send it flipping over several times. He bolted for the far corner, and as they watched in perplexed concern, he stuffed himself tightly into it facing the wall, covering his face with both hands.

"No no no, please, no no no!" He crouched in the corner as if trying to hide. "I'm good. I'm good. Please, no. Please, no...oh please...I'll be good."

Thor approached slowly and crouched down by him, feeling almost like he was approaching an injured and half-feral animal. "Loki, what is it?" He reached out to put a hand to a trembling shoulder.

"Don't want to go back. Please. I'm good now, I'm good. I'm sorry, I'm good!"

"...Go back? Loki, no. You're here on Asgard, and...unless you give me good reason, I'm not going to banish you. You're safe. I promise you're safe. No one is going to hurt you. I won't let them."

Loki lifted his head, face tear streaked and expression fearful. "Promise safe..." He looked back at their parents and then shrank back against the wall. "Not safe."

"You _are_ safe." Thor insisted. "I am King, and my word is law in Asgard. If I say you are safe, then you are safe."

"...Don't lie to me." Loki gave a half-hearted glare that made Thor smile slightly in spite of himself in joy for a more familiar expression in spite of the words.

"You're safe." Thor repeated afterward. "Mother and Father are here to see you, not hurt you. I promise, Loki. I swear you are safe here."

"Mayhaps it is too soon." Frigga suggested quietly, looking pained, though not as pained as Odin seemed to be. "We should depart, and try again another day when he is perhaps more rational."

"Mother!" The cry was plaintive, and Frigga turned back to see Loki reaching out a hand to her. Though he was long grown and hadn't needed her for centuries beforehand, he was as ever her son and she could not ignore his plea. Looking apologetically to her husband, she then lifted her skirts and hurried to Loki's side.

Thor moved hastily aside as they reached for one another and looked on as they clung to one another tightly. He looked to Odin, who slowly inclined his head to Thor. "I understand his fear, my son." He intoned softly. "I was the King who banished him, and in his state perhaps he does not remember what he did to deserve it. I do not seek his forgiveness. It is enough that he has you, and his mother. I know you will care for him, Thor. I will hold your throne in trust until you can return to it."

"Thank you, Allfather." Thor replied, and stood to see him out, exchanging a quick hug before closing the door and turning back to Frigga and Loki. In spite of Odin's words, he knew he couldn't neglect the throne for long, having only had it for fifty one years-a paltry time. The denizens of Asgard wouldn't forgive their young King for neglecting the throne when he was doing so for the traitor who had nearly brought Ragnarok down upon their heads. Yet what was he to do? There were questions piling up without answers in sight and he moved to a chair to sit wearily upon it and put his head in his hands. Ruling Asgard was easy compared to this.


	3. Memory

Disclaimer: I am truly blown away by the reactions I'm getting in response to this fic. Thank you all for your reviews, I hope I can continue to deliver the kind of material you're expecting. I own nothing but the plot, and I make no profit from having written it. Characters within belong to Marvel.

* * *

_"You are going to do it, aren't you, Loki." Balder said, standing near the door in the reception room usually reserved for diplomats from the other realms. The words sounded like a question, but the tone made it a statement and Loki furrowed his brow, glancing at the other from where he stood by the window._

_"You are back in Asgard, and we are to celebrate your return." Loki's voice was puzzled. "What is it I am to be doing?"_

_Balder smiled slightly, the expression warm and amused. "You're about to reset the cycle. But it's a little soon, isn't it?"_

_Loki sighed in exasperation and turned to look at the older god. "Enough. We have been centuries separated, but I do not remember your words being so cryptic. You are not a wordsmith, Balder. Just be clear."_

_Balder smiled more and Loki found himself reminded of the many ways that the older God had infuriated him, that arrogance which had led Loki to poison him with ground up mistletoe many centuries before, though at the time he hadn't intended for the older Aesir to nearly die from it. "You invited me here, for you intend to bring about Ragnarok." He stated._

_Loki gave him a queer look, but inwardly he was panicking. How could Balder possibly know what he planned? That he had in truth sent the letter of apology for the long ago childhood jealousy and a wish for reconciliation in order to lure Balder back to Asgard where he could be killed and so be rid of the only warrior who could not die in battle before Loki let Asgard's enemies in?_

_"Your time in the company of Karnilla has made you strange, Balder." Loki said, crossing his arms. "Such a thing to accuse me of. I should be insulted!"_

_"Yet you are not." Balder pointed out, seeing through Loki's lies as he always had. "You have brought me here to kill me."_

_Loki snorted. "If you suspected such a thing of me, then why did you come?"_

_"Because I was curious." Balder shrugged as if the conversation was of a far more casual topic. "It's too soon, so I thought maybe this time I was wrong. But no, all the signs are there."_

_Loki forced a laugh, but it sounded manic and he knew there was no convincing Balder that he was wrong. He turned away, working his jaw. "...There needs to be a cleansing fire."_

_"In time." Balder agreed, much to Loki's surprise. "But not yet. It's too soon, by several centuries at least. You'll fail."_

_"...I might." Loki said at length. "But I need to try. I've come too far, planned too much..."_

_"I'll play the part I must," Balder said, once more surprising Loki. "But this is too soon. Asgard is too strong, and she will withstand your efforts. You will fail."_

Loki opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep in Frigga's arms to the tune of a gentle lullaby, and now he woke on his bed, the coherency of the dream already fading. He rolled onto his back and sprawled out, staring at the roof of his canopy bed.

It was hard to believe he was really back in Asgard. A part of him was still convinced that he had finally lost the last dredges of his mind and succumbed absolutely to insanity. Still, even if this was a fallacy, he didn't think he minded. Thor loved him and so did Frigga. He got to eat food, drink wine and feel clean. He thought perhaps he liked the feeling of being clean the most.

But if it was real... Loki frowned and sat up to look around at the closed curtains of his bed. If it was real, then what would happen next? Thor said he was King and would protect him, but that had to be a lie. Not about being King, Loki believed that. But why would Thor protect him when Loki had done that Bad Thing? And he _was_ still being punished...

His hands came up to claw at his neck, digging desperately at the collar to try and get a grip on it so as to try and tear it off. But just like every other time, all he succeeded in doing was hurting himself. He stopped, emitting little whimpers and looked at his nail-bitten hands. Maybe if he could just leave them alone long enough to let them grow, maybe then he'd be able to get the damnable thing off.

Knowing it was futile, he scratched at his neck again anyway and then gave a scream of frustration when he once more failed. He turned to viciously attack his pillow, tearing and biting at it like a feral animal in his anger.

A curtain was ripped aside and Thor stood there. "Loki! ...What are you doing?"

Loki paused in his assault on the hapless pillow and then let go of it, spitting out a feather and curling up a bit. "Got angry."

"Angry?" Thor moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "I thought you were asleep. What were you angry about, brother?"

Loki looked back at Thor with a distressed expression, and then brought up a hand to curl over the choker. "Want it off. Take it off. Please take it off."

Thor frowned, brows furrowing and expression turning troubled. "Loki. I told you, it's not that easy." He reached out to grasp Loki's arm and pull his hand away from his neck. "You're...you're not well. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Loki stared at him for several moments before he lowered his head and sat back, drawing his arm close to him when Thor released it and curling in on himself. "How long?" How long was he going to continue to be punished for the Bad Thing?

Thor looked upset. "Until you're better, Loki. I spoke with Mother after you fell asleep, and she agrees. You've...forgotten so much, brother."

"Forgotten. Yes." Loki smoothed down a bit of his blanket and picked up a loose feather to tease between his fingers clumsily, looking down. "But will remember."

"Yes, you will remember." Thor agreed. "I'm sure you'll be fine in no time at all, brother." He smiled slightly and moved to stand. "It is still night, Loki. You should try to get some more rest. Do you mind if I retire to my own chambers...or do you still wish for company?"

Loki looked up at him, and then he forced a smile. "Kings should sleep and rest well." He lay down atop his covers, curling up tightly. "Sleep. I'll be good."

Thor smiled sadly. "...I believe you, brother." He said softly and reached up to pull the curtains shut around the bed.

Loki waited until he heard Thor leave and then he all but exploded from the bed, tumbling off and almost slamming headfirst into the floor, but managing to awkwardly roll and end up on his side instead. He lay there, laughing at first, but then dissolving into sobs. He was afraid that he would never be 'better', not enough to satisfy Thor anyway. This was just another prison, a prettier one yes, but no less a prison. He curled up there on the ice bear rug and sniffled. If there had been one good thing about That Place, at least there he hadn't been tortured by false hopes.

* * *

Morning broke, and with it came Thor, knocking lightly on Loki's door and then entering even though he had received no answer. He looked over toward the bed, which still had the drapes closed even though he could clearly see the bedding had been stripped and for some reason put by the balcony door. It wasn't until a sleep-rumpled head emerged from the pile of bedding that Thor realized what was going on.

"Loki!" Thor laughed and walked over to the table to set down the breakfast tray he'd brought before approaching the younger. "What are you doing, brother? Did your bed not prove comfortable enough for you?"

Loki looked down and fiddled with the blankets surrounding him. "Felt trapped." He spoke softly.

"Trapped?" Thor looked puzzled for a few moments before he sighed softly and smiled slightly again. "Well come on, brother. I brought breakfast for you." He helped Loki to untangle himself and led him over to the table to sit with him and watch him once more consume everything and then lick the plate clean. He imagined Loki would likely eat in this famished way for a while, but while he might have imagined it, Thor thought that maybe Loki was a little more efficient with his eating this time.

"Do you want more?" He asked once Loki was done sucking the marrow out of the last of the bones.

"Full." Loki pronounced happily and then looked at Thor. "Now what?"

Thor shrugged and smiled to him. "In the afternoon, I've decided I will take the throne back from Father-I am King and I really should be doing it-but I am here for you until then. What do you want to do, brother? We could walk around Asgard. Things have changed while you're gone."

Loki started shaking his head, slowly at first and then more vigorously. "No. No no." He curled up on his chair. "Don't want to."

Thor stood up and went to his side of the table, putting a hand on his shoulder. "...What's wrong, Loki?"

Loki hid his face in his knees. "They hate me. For the Bad Thing."

"The bad..." Thor trailed off and frowned. "Loki. Do you remember what you did?"

Loki lifted his head, looking off. "...Bad Thing." He said at last. "Big Bad Thing." He shook his head and hid his face against his knees again.

Thor sighed softly. "It's alright, Loki. You paid for it regardless. Don't worry about it right now." He squeezed his shoulder. "What do you want to do?" He looked around the room for inspiration. "I could read to you, if you would like."

Loki lifted his head. "...You don't read."

Thor felt a flash of familiar irritation at the accusation, but when he looked back at Loki he found the younger smiling uncertainly at him and he realized he was being teased. Irritation turned into exaltation and he could have whooped with joy. Though Loki clearly still had a long recovery ahead, his mischievous nature seemed to be coming back and Thor never thought he'd be so glad to see it.

"I might not read as much as you," He said, unable to help the grin spreading across his face. "but I know how thanks to your insistent badgering when we were children." He knelt to be at eye level with Loki. "Do you remember that, Loki? How you used to be endlessly after me to learn my letters even though I didn't want to?"

"Yes." Loki was smiling more too, though he seemed to be mimicking Thor's, which appeared strange on a face usually given to more reserved expressions. "Stupid, stubborn Thor. Would rather go beat heads in."

Thor let the insult slide and chuckled. "You have always known the value of lessons I could not see." He acknowledged. "I am grateful Loki, for all the things you have forced me to learn that I didn't want to."

Loki's smile faded, and confusion settled in its place. "You never listened."

"No, because I was stupid and stubborn and would rather beat heads in." Thor smiled again, though not as widely and gave Loki's leg an affectionate pat before becoming more serious. "I've since learned the value of the lessons you tried to teach me, and I'm only sorry I wasn't ready to listen when you were the one teaching them to me. You deserved better than that."

Loki gave a watery smile and reached out to put a hand on Thor's cheek. "You're a good King now." He said softly. "You do good. I'm happy. I'm proud."

"Thank you." Thor smiled back to him, though he felt like his heart was breaking anew. He said he was proud of him, but this sweet-mannered, gentle person wasn't really Loki yet and that hurt. Loki was supposed to deliver his praise offhandedly, as if it something barely worth mentioning, because Thor knew that was how Loki gave his most sincere compliments. Stating it so baldfaced like this was the lie, even if right now Loki wasn't really telling one. It just wasn't...Loki.

"I'll find a good book." He told Loki, standing up to head to the long untouched bookshelf and find perhaps a book of myths and fables. Loki had so loved stories...

* * *

Returning that evening, again with a tray of food. Thor found Loki sitting on the floor by the balcony window, staring outside. He glanced over at Thor, but then looked away again.

Thor set the tray down on the table and stepped over to settle beside him. "Loki?"

"Bifröst."

"Hm? What about it?"

"It's called the Bifröst." Loki put his chin in his hand. "The Gatekeeper is named Heimdall, and he sees all in the Nine Realms."

Thor blinked, but then he began to smile. "You're remembering! Loki, this is wonderful!"

Loki drew his legs up to his chest. "I'm a monster."

The sentence was delivered so casually, so offhandedly that Thor found himself more shocked than if Loki had spat it out in anger. His eyes narrowed.

"Who told you that?"

Loki looked away and curled up a bit tighter. "...Didn't have to." He spoke softly. "Just know it."

"It is an untruth, Loki." Thor said firmly. "Doing...what you have done does not make you a monster."

"Jötun."

Thor sighed. "Yes, you are a Frost Giant. That too means nothing. They are not monsters either, only a harsh people made so by the world on which they live."

Loki laughed softly, a sad sound. He shook his head. "Monster."

"Loki." Thor reached out to clasp his shoulder and give him a shake. "You are my brother. Though not by blood, you are still my brother. My brother is not a monster." Shifting a little closer, he tugged Loki over to hug him. "You are Loki, son of Odin, brother of Thor and brother of Balder."

Loki closed his eyes. "Balder is dead."

"He was." Thor agreed. "But we were able to barter his return from Hela, along with many other fallen warriors from her and the Valkyries. But come, Loki. Such dour things are in the past! Worry not...only please do not commit such actions again. I would rather have you at my side than locked away."

Loki snorted softly, but then he smiled. As always, something was missing in his expression, but he was acting more coherent than he had only the day before, so Thor was confident and hopeful that his recovery would continue to be swift.

* * *

With food long eaten, and Thor gone after showing Loki how to tie back the curtains around his bed should he feel 'trapped' again, Loki sat on the floor by the balcony again, staring out through the window. Contrary to what Thor no doubt believed, Loki knew how to open the door and he could go outside if he wanted to. He had tried earlier, but as soon as the outside air had touched him, panic had set in and he'd slammed the door shut again.

So long as he remained in his room, he would be safe. No one would hurt him as long as he was in his room. He'd even be safe from Odin he was sure, so long as he stayed in his room. He deserved to be hurt yes, he deserved to be killed. But if he stayed in his room, they would see how good he was now. They would see that he was good, and then maybe they wouldn't _want_ to hurt him.

Except there was a problem. He curled his knees up to his chest. Balder was alive. Balder who had told him not to do the Bad Thing, who had died because Loki had decided he had to. Balder hated him, he had to hate him. Frigga loved him, and Thor too for some reason, but Balder surely hated him and if Balder found out where Loki was... He whimpered softly and buried his face in his knees. Not even his room could keep him safe from Balder.

But he was good now! So so very good now! He would prove it, prove it to them all! He would show Thor most of all how good he was, and then maybe Thor would finally end his punishment and take the collar off. Then he would be safe everywhere, not just in his room. He would be better, Thor would see. They would all see! Loki would be better, Loki would be good.

He crawled away from the window and curled up on the ice bear rug, running his fingers through its fur. Ice bears came from Jötunheim, and so did Loki. Loki was a Jötun, and so it made sense for him to have an ice bear rug in his room. He inched himself to the far end of the rug and reached back to pull the pelt over him, wrapping himself up in it and relaxing, feeling safe and cocooned in the fur.

Did Jötun do this to stay warm? No, that was silly. Jötun didn't need to be warm at all. But then why did Loki feel so cold, when he was like them? Asgard wasn't cold. That Place had been cold, though. Cold, dark and quiet. So quiet all he'd had was his own voice, and then he'd lost that too. Then there had been the words, so many words. How long had he been writing those words on the walls of That Place?

Loki closed his eyes and whimpered softly. He was out of That Place, and now he was in Asgard. Thor loved him and Frigga loved him, but it hurt so much here. He was so lonely, so confused and so scared. If only Thor would tell him what to do, so he could be better. He'd do anything just to be better, just to be free. Maybe if he promised not to lie anymore? But no...because that would be a lie. Thor would find out and punish him again.

Maybe all he had to do was ask? Thor wanted him to be better, he had said so hadn't he? He wanted him at his side, not locked away. So if Loki asked, maybe Thor would tell him, and then he could be better and be free.

He burrowed into the ice bear rug and sighed softly as he began to fall asleep. Yes. He would ask, he would be better and Thor would set him free. He would show everyone then how good he was now. Maybe they would finally be proud of him.


	4. Mother

Disclaimer: Ahh, the bane of writing two fics simultaneously; you get inspiration for one when you're supposed to be working on the other. But not to worry, I have every intention of keeping to my update pattern, even if I don't have a firm timetable. I own nothing but the plot, and I make no profit from having written it. Characters within belong to Marvel.  
Some of you have been concerned, so: **If people are showing interest in a story, so long as I am able to write, I will not abandon it.  
**

* * *

_Fire._

_Asgard was burning, but parts of it was encased in ice as well. The fire demons and the Frost Giants, normally mortal foes but willing to put their animosity aside for this opportunity to bring destruction down upon their mutual enemy._

_Loki watched their progression from a building roof, one of the few that had not yet been attacked. He was reluctant to join the fray, but he felt that perhaps they didn't need his help anyway. Asgard had been joined in celebration and then in grief when Balder fell. They had not been prepared for seige. The warriors had been slow to rally, though that was in good part due to Loki not only incapacitating Heimdall but also destroying the Gjallerhorn, which would have given them warning._

_No. Let them have their battle. He would only watch and plan, and perhaps if he stayed out of the combat, he would escape the rebirth and therefore be able to shape Asgard to a more fitting image without need of his backup plan. A glint of silver and red caught his attention, and his hand shifted on his runed staff. Thor, and he was heading straight for him._

_Loki hissed and moved back from the edge of the roof. Thor his brother, Thor his enemy. But no. This was not what he wanted. He...he lo..._

_"Loki!" The thunderer lashed out at him and Loki barely got his staff up in time to block. "What have you done?! You have let the enemies in the gates!"_

_Loki barked a harsh laugh and pushed back against Thor, though his expression was pained. "What would the Golden Son understand of my motives?! I'll not explain myself to you!"_

_"I trusted you!" Thor cried out, angry and anguished both. "I believed when you told that lie! Balder is..."_

_"Dead!" Loki snarled, loosing one hand from his staff to ready a spell. "As soon you shall be as well! Ragnarok comes for us all, Odinson! Each and every one!"_

Loki awoke with a cry, jerking upright in bed and staring around with wide eyes in the dim, disoriented. He sat there, almost too afraid to move and found himself wondering how he got there when he remembered falling asleep on the ice bear rug.

The curtain closest to him parted and Frigga sat down by him. She gave him a gentle smile and reached out to take his hand. "Good morning, Loki." She greeted him softly. "Did you have a bad dream?"

Loki looked down at the hand she was clasping before he pulled away with a whimper and hunched up, gripping his elbows. "Yes..." He whispered, looking down. If she knew what he had dreamed, still vivid in his mind unlike earlier nightmares, then she would surely hate him. Had to hate him. The Bad Thing which had a name. A terrible terrible name.

Frigga looked at him silently for several moments. "Do you want to tell me?" She asked, but only nodded in acceptance when he shook his head. "Alright, Loki." Her voice was gentle and eternally patient. She moved to stand. "Your brother left breakfast for you and asked me to wait for you to wake up." She laughed softly. "You fell asleep on the rug. Do you remember?"

"Yes..." Loki looked up at her. "It was soft."

She laughed softly and began tying back the curtains on his side of the bed. "Yes, it is quite soft." She agreed. "I think the bed is more comfortable to sleep on, though. Don't you?"

Loki looked down again and clenched his hands on his elbows. "...Not used to soft things." He uttered softly.

Frigga was silent for several moments, then turned away. "Come now, Loki. Let us break fast together, shall we?"

Loki got up and followed her to the table. Frigga had been told by Thor that Loki showed reluctance to eat if he didn't eat with him, but Loki had already begun to dig into the food before Frigga had even sat down. She stole a handful of grapes and a loaf of bread for herself, but left the rest of the food for her son and watched in amazement when he ate the food that had been intended for him and Thor both, licking the plate clean afterward.

"Loki." She spoke gently. "I thought I'd taught you better manners than that."

She'd intended it as a lighthearted tease, but Loki paused mid-motion and then dropped the plate as if it had burned him. "Sorry, Mother." He said, ducking his head and looking absolutely stricken.

Frigga leaned forward in concern. "Loki?"

"I'm good, Mother. I am. I'm sorry. I'll do better, I promise." He hunched in on himself as if he was readying himself for a blow.

Frigga stood up slowly, her motions measured so as not to frighten him with sudden movements and stepped around to hug him close to her breast. "My dear, sweet boy." She whispered, finding herself understanding now why Thor had apologized when he'd asked her to spend time with Loki, for her heart was breaking into pieces. "It's alright. I'm not angry with you."

He turned toward her, arms snaking around to cling to the back of her dress and she found herself not caring about the possible grease stains he would leave there, feeling him trembling.

"Loki." She spoke softly. "Why are you so afraid?"

"I'm good." He whispered. "I am. I really really am."

"I know you are, Loki." Frigga soothed, rubbing his back. "What are you afraid of?"

"Don't want to go back. I'm good now, I'm good."

"Shh, shh..." She rocked him as best she could. "You're safe, my son. You're safe. I'm not angry with you."

It was only at the last sentence that he relaxed and Frigga thought she understood, realizing that Loki wouldn't be able to handle criticism for a little while. She stepped back and looked down at him, smoothing back his short hair. "Do you want more to eat?"

* * *

Loki had been coaxed into eating two more plates of food before he pushed the second one away and claimed he would pop like a ripe fruit if he ate any more. Frigga then sent him off to bathe (after making sure that he could indeed take care of it himself) and spent the time waiting by going through his closet to find something appropriate for him to wear. Something that would be simple so he could hopefully get it on himself, but functional. Thor had told her Loki had shied at the idea of going outside, but while his brother might balk at forcing his younger sibling, Frigga felt that Loki would heal better if he didn't feel like he needed to stay in his room. He was already showing so much improvement from when he had been returned two days before.

For a human, such a recovery would be considered miraculous, but for the Asgardians, it was near impossible for them to even fathom of Loki's kind of illness to begin with and Frigga felt it best to refer mostly to Thor on the matter, for his human shell-the late Donald Blake-had been a human doctor, and so had likely known more of these things than they did-though Donald had not in fact been that kind of doctor.

Finally, the door to the bathing room opened, steam rolling out as Loki emerged and Frigga's eyes widened at the sight of him. It wasn't his nakedness that shocked him, for such things were not so strange to see-especially when Asgard participated in the Olympia Games with their allies of Olympus-no, what shocked and dismayed her was the state of his skin, which was reddened as if he'd suffered a horrible sunburn and was peeling in parts. In some areas, it was obvious he had scrubbed at with great vigor, especially around his neck, which was oozing blood from around the collar.

"Oh, Loki." Frigga left his closet and went over to him, half-reaching out to touch him but then drawing back at the unnatural heat of his skin. "Oh my boy, what did you do?"

Loki looked back at her in confused dismay. "...I got clean?" He offered meekly.

Frigga took a deep breath and curbed her reaction. "Go sit." She ordered, pointing at the bed. "Or...stand if sitting would be painful." He just stared at her in confusion. "Go stand by the bed, Loki." When he did as she told him, Frigga shut the bathing room door and followed him, bringing up her hands to weave healing magics and repair at least the worst of it. It was hard work, as the collar was designed to soak up magic, but in the end she'd reduced the horrible peeling to a slight redness that-at least normally-he would heal from in as little as an hour's time.

Once she was content with the job she'd done, even if she was tired over the extensive effort it had taken to do it, she pointed at the clothing she had chosen for him. "Get dressed." She told him and then turned away to head back to the bathing room and find out exactly what he had done.

She was greeted by heat that immediately made her hair curl and stepping further into the room, it was soon very obvious what had happened.

Fifteen heating rocks sat on the drying stand. This was the typical number given to Asgard's warriors for if they wanted a hot bath for baking out aches. But the rocks weren't meant to be used all at once, and this number was certainly not appropriate for a half-Jötun. What had Thor been thinking? Or was this the servants doing? Well, either way, Frigga was having none of it. Loki was obviously not in the right state of mind to figure out he wasn't supposed to use them all, even if he knew to put them back. She would certainly be taking steps to make sure he didn't hurt himself again.

She re-emerged from the bathroom to find that Loki had finished dressing in the brown calfhide pants and green shirt she had supplied him. It was still so plain, but Frigga didn't intend to force him to wear more than he might be comfortable in. One hurtle at a time. He looked at her with a distressed expression and she went to him and took his face in her hands.

"It's alright, my son. My child. I'm not angry with you. You frightened me." She pulled his head down to kiss his forehead and then smiled to him. "Just wait for a minute, alright Loki?" She didn't wait for his answer and hurried out to find the nearest servant and order them to clean up Loki's room and remove all but eight heating stones. Then she returned to Loki and took his hand.

"Loki." She smiled to him. "We're going to go for a walk now."

Loki's brows furrowed and he immediately shrank from her, though Frigga noticed he didn't try to pull his hand free. "No. No no nonono...please no..."

"Loki." Once more she took a firm tone with him, since that seemed to make him listen. "I am not debating this with you. "We _are_ going for a walk."

His hand squeezed hers tightly and he whimpered, his eyes wide. When Frigga moved toward the door however, he didn't try to pull away and instead tamely went with her. Frigga knew she would be discussing this thoroughly with Thor. He needed to know to be firm with his brother. A King can afford no softness, not even when it came to family. The people wouldn't continue to trust him if they thought he would make exception for those closest to him.

Loki kept close to her as they walked, averting his eyes from everyone and shrinking away when others got too close. He was so preoccupied with avoiding others that he didn't notice the garden until he stepped into it, upon which time he froze and looked around with widened eyes as if he'd never seen any of it before. Like a newborn foal, he stumbled forward, staring about and slowly moving forward. Frigga let him move at his own pace and only followed along after him, glad and sad by turns as she watched her fully grown son reach out to touch a flower as if he was seeing one for the first time.

Loki wandered in this way for a while before he found a plum tree and headed straight for it. He reached up to test the fruit and finally picked one to happily bite down on and close his eyes in bliss. Frigga laughed softly and moved to sit down on a nearby bench. "Loki," She said. "would you like me to tell you a story?"

He replied to her question by picking several more plums and then stepping over to sit at her feet. She reached out to smooth some of his hair back and smiled to him. "Very well then."

* * *

Evening had come at last and Thor was more than happy to leave the throne room and his Kingly duties for another day. However, now he had a different trial ahead-checking up on Loki and their Mother. He couldn't say that he was looking forward to this, and so he procrastinated and went to bathe and change first.

"You seem in a hurry." Sif commented when he stepped out of the bathing chamber fully dressed. He thought perhaps it was sarcasm, since she knew full well where he would be going and he sighed softly at her. Well, now seemed as good a time as any to discuss what Midgardians referred to as 'the elephant in the room'.

"I found Loki curled up in his ice bear rug this morning."

Sif glanced at Thor's reflection in her mirror while she worked on plaiting her hair. "And the day before, you found he had made a nest of his blankets. I think he is doing it to distress you."

Thor sighed heavily and sat down on their bed. "His condition upsets him as much as it upsets me, Sif. Of that, I am certain. He does not want to be broken. Why would he?"

Sif sighed softly. Thor's compassion made him a good King, but it also had great potential for trouble. Unlike Frigga and Odin's relationship, of the two of them, Sif saw herself as the emotionally stronger and as tedious as court affairs were, she was glad Thor had broken the precedent Odin had set and allowed his wife to be at his side in court and at least until he remembered he was also a warrior, she would remain at his side. "How can you be certain this isn't some complex manipulation of his to get you to lower your guard?"

"Because it is counterproductive to what he wants, Sif." Thor replied with some irritation. "He wishes to have the choker removed, but in behaving in this manner he is only ensuring it be kept on. He knows I will not remove it until he is well, until I know he is safe from his own magic. If this were a trick, he would be 'getting better'. As it is..." Thor paused. "He is remembering things, and these things are upsetting him."

"Then perhaps it is good he is still collared, for should his nature turn foul again, he will be unable to bring down more trouble upon Asgard."

Thor scowled at her. "His crime was a century past, and he was my beloved brother and _your_ friend longer than he has been foe to anyone. We do not know his reasons for attempting Ragnarok, but at the moment he cannot even give it a name! Until we can know the why, I would have him treated as his current actions deserve. He is not well, do not be unkind."

Sif finished with her hair and turned on her chair to look at him. "Thor. This is only his second day. If this was a trick, he is cunning and likely has learned more patience rather than less."

"Or perhaps I am hoping for a more speedy recovery than there will be." Thor responded, though he sounded sad now rather than angry. "Given that, he is still doing well, but...mayhaps you should see him for yourself, Sif. Mother and Father too believed he was performing a fakery until they saw him with their own eyes."

"You would have me visit him, husband?" Sif stood up and stepped over to sit beside him on the bed and put a hand on his shoulder. "Though you feel he is broken of mind, and could perhaps be deranged?"

"He is no threat, as you stated. I trust you would not do harm to one who cannot be called an opponent." That Thor felt he had to state such hurt him, but he tried not to let it show on his face. Sif had perhaps felt the most betrayed of Thor's companions, and unlike the Warriors Three, she had shown no sign of softening regarding Loki, nor any desire to allow him back into Asgard.

Sif nodded none the less. "I will think about it." She said and leaned over to kiss his cheek, then stood up to head to the bathing room herself, court duties could make both of them feel absolutely slimy by day's end. Thor sighed and stood up again, there was no more reason to delay and so he went.

* * *

Arriving at Loki's door, Thor hesitated for a long moment before he pushed it open, only to hesitate at what he was hearing.

"-would not stop unless something was done, and though Byleistr feared the flames of Muspelheim, he set forth to steal from their forges a great axe."

Thor smiled and leaned back against the doorframe briefly. The tale of the giant Byleistr, who had-according to the story-heroically cleaved Svartalfheim from Alfheim with an axe stolen from the forges of Muspelheim so as to end the war between the elves. The tale had been twisted, as all good stories were, but Thor remembered it being one of his favorites as a child and he finally moved to enter the room. Smiling to Frigga and Loki when they looked to him and noticing that Loki was dressed, Thor then sat himself down next to Loki and listened with him as their Mother continued the story to its conclusion.

"Abide, Loki." Frigga told him and stood from the chair, gesturing to her oldest and leading him over to a far corner of the room.

"Loki ate nearly three full plates of food today." She began. "Then he used all fifteen of the heating stones available to him" She paused to let that mistake sink in before continuing. "and finally I pushed him into dressing so I could take him to the garden. I've taken care of the heating stones, but you need to be firm with him Thor. He may be an adult in body, but he acts like a young child in mind and you need to treat him accordingly."

Thor listened in silence, and then he slowly nodded. "Yes, Mother." He said and smiled slightly. "I apologize for foisting this on you, but I am glad for your advice."

Frigga brought up her hand to touch Thor's cheek and smiled back to him. "You mean well, but sometimes you have to risk upsetting those you love in order to help them."

Thor chuckled softly and nodded. "I know, Mother. Thank you. I may need your help again tomorrow." Frigga only nodded her assent and turned to leave and Thor headed over to Loki, who had done as Frigga had told him and stayed exactly where he'd been.

"Have you eaten yet tonight, brother?"

"Yes. Big dinner."

"Hm." Frigga hadn't mentioned feeding him dinner, and there was no sign of a plate. "Are you lying to me, Loki?"

Loki ducked his head. "...Yes." He admitted meekly.

Thor knelt down at his level. "Why, Loki? Aren't you hungry?" Loki nodded. "Then why?"

"Did the Bad Thing." Loki said softly. "Don't deserve food."

"Oh." Thor sighed. "You've been a century starved, Loki. You've-"

"A _century_?!" Loki interrupted, nearly shrieking. He turned to look at Thor. "You left me in that pit for a _century_?!"

In that moment, the Loki Thor remembered broke through. In that moment, his voice firmed and tentative tones turned furious. But then the moment passed and Loki curled his legs up tightly to his chest. "One and one and one and one and one and-"

"Loki!" Thor grabbed his shoulders, halting his repeating. "Just now. What was that? What you said. That was _you_!" Loki looked at him in absolute incomprehension and Thor shook him. "Is this a trick of yours, Loki?! I'm tired of these guessing games!"

Loki's head snapped back and forth when he was shaken until he grabbed Thor's arms to steady himself. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll be good, I'll be quiet!" Thor let go of him and he curled up tightly, hiding his face.

Thor stared at him. What was going on? If this was a trick, then Loki was awfully committed to it. But if it wasn't a trick, what did it mean when just now he'd sounded like his old self?

Loki moved his hands from his face to claw briefly at his neck, but then he stopped, snapped his head around to look at Thor as if he was a deer that had abruptly heard a threat and he fell onto his side, curling up in the fetal position and covering his face again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Blast it all, Thor wished he knew what was going on and he stood up. "I'll go get our dinner." He told his distressed sibling and turned to leave the room, telling himself that he just needed time to think and that he was not, in fact, running away. How he wished he knew what was wrong.


	5. Friends

Disclaimer: All characters in this fanfic belong either to Marvel or Norse mythology. I own nothing but the imagination I used to write this.  
I would also like to remind all of you that I am writing _two_ fanfics and I also have a life. Redemption and Dark Paths are not abandoned simply because I don't update quickly. Please be patient.  
I promise the plot will pick up soon.

* * *

"Thor!" Running feet greeted the thunderer and shortly thereafter Fandral had joined him. He gave a hasty half bow and then looked curiously at the tray. "It isn't like you to collect your own food these days, my friend."

"It isn't mine." Thor intoned softly and perhaps a bit resentfully. He had been deep in thought before Fandral had interrupted him and he wasn't sure he appreciated the distraction.

Fandral looked back the way Thor had come and then back to him. He put a hand on his arm. "Loki's?" He asked softly and stepped slightly closer when Thor nodded. "What are affairs to do with him? There are rumors all over the palace."

Thor looked at him. "Tell me of these rumors, if you would."

"Ah, well..." Fandral looked a bit uncomfortable. "Some say he's down in the dungeons, others say he is back in his own room but chained there. There are those who say he has gone raving mad, and others that say he simply stares at the wall as if his mind has fled utterly. Some uh, think you are perhaps being too soft with him, while others say it is proof they have a wise and compassionate King."

"And what think you of these sayings?"

"I know of your compassion and your great love for your brother." Fandral said firmly. "As to the rest, I would not dare speculate, but awaited the chance to ask you the truth directly."

Thor was silent for several moments. "Do you wish to see him?"

"I would like that, yes." Fandral responded. "He considered me a friend once, or so I would like to believe."

"Do you still consider him one, even after what he did?"

"Yes." Fandral said. "I..." He paused. "I always thought Odin's sentencing...was a touch harsh." He crossed his arms uncomfortably.

Thor gave a small, mirthless smile. "Come then, Fandral. Though I warn you, Loki is...different. He may not remember you, or he may panic."

Fandral's eyebrows went up, but he didn't comment on this and only followed after Thor.

Thor knocked to let Loki know he was there before he entered and found in his absence that the younger had opened his balcony door. Thor's steps quickened so he could set the food down on the table before going and looking outside, sighing in soft relief when he found Loki leaning against the wall, staring up at the sky.

"Loki." Thor called to him. "Brother, I brought you dinner."

"Kings shouldn't fetch." Loki drew his legs up to his chest and didn't look at Thor. He likely hadn't forgiven Thor for his earlier outburst.

Thor forced a soft chuckle anyway. "Loki, do you remember Fandral? He's come to see you."

Finally Loki looked over. "Fandral?"

"Yes. Come inside and visit with him."

Loki scrambled to his feet, but rather than heading toward the door inside, he pressed back against the balcony railing, looking fearful.

Thor frowned faintly. "Loki...I'm not going to hurt you...and neither is Fandral. Come brother, I promised you were safe, did I not?" He extended his hand to him and smiled. "Trust me, brother."

"...You shook me." Loki responded, eying Thor's hand warily.

"Ah..." Thor lowered his arm, smile fading. "Loki, I'm sorry. I want to you be better so badly, I'm jumping at shadows. I shouldn't have done that to you."

Loki stared at him, looking betrayed and his lip quivered. "But I'm good...I'm good!" He stamped his foot. "I'M GOOD!" He turned away, holding his arms close to himself. "How much better do I have to be?!" He wailed and then clawed at the collar. "I'm good now! I'm good!"

At first Thor was incredulous, shocked to see his brother having what could only be described as a temper tantrum-albeit a mild one. But then horror passed over his features when he realized Loki had been misunderstanding him the entire time.

"Loki!" He stepped forward and grabbed his wrists to stop him from hurting himself. "Brother, look at me." When his brother lifted his head to stare at him with wide eyes and tear stained cheeks, Thor let go of his wrists to put his hand to the back of his neck and draw their foreheads close. "Brother, listen to me. Keeping the collar on you has nothing to do with your behavior. You're not well right now. Do you see the way you've been acting? This isn't you. The collar keeps you from your magic, and it's being kept on to protect you from yourself until you're ready to handle your own power again. We're worried you could hurt yourself with your magic the way you are right now, Loki. That's all this is, brother. I swear to you, I'm not punishing you. Do you understand?"

More tears escaped from his dulled green eyes and his lip trembled again. He looked like he was about to start sobbing. After a few moments, he closed his eyes. "Please." He whispered. "It hurts."

Thor closed his own eyes and grit his teeth, wishing he could. "I'm sorry, Loki." He said softly. "I wish it didn't have to hurt, but it would-" He broke off when Loki ducked out of his grip and turned away. He wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve and went inside, sitting down at the table and starting to eat with a sullen expression.

"Good Norns." Fandral uttered softly to Thor when he too came inside. "What was all that about?"

Thor pinched the bridge of his nose. "The collar apparently is causing Loki pain."

Fandral arched a brow. "...So why is he still wearing it, then?"

Thor glanced to Loki, then motioned with his head and headed back onto the balcony, closing the door behind Fandral. "You remember roughly how powerful Loki is, yes?"

"I know his magic was said to be on par with Karnilla's, yes."

Thor nodded seriously. "That kind of power could potentially kill him and everyone in this entire wing of the palace."

Fandral's eyes widened. "Wh-seriously?! Well, what then? You just intend to keep it on him for the rest of his life?!"

Thor gave him a look, reminding Fandral that he was speaking to his King as well as his friend. "No, of course not." He looked away, then stepped to the railing and leaned on it, letting his head droop. "I am sorry, my friend. This has been a trying few days. Loki's mind regressed during his long isolation. I am waiting for him to recover first, so that I know he is mentally ready to harness his magic."

Fandral shifted uncomfortably. "You should have brought him back when you were coronated." He muttered, almost resentfully. Of Thor's friends, Fandral had been the closest to Loki, and he and Volstagg had been among loudest voices demanding Loki be returned to Asgard. The problem was that those wanting Loki to remain gone had evidently drowned them out.

Thor straightened up and looked at Fandral, quite nearly glaring and finding his friend glaring back. Fandral looked away after a few moments and then put his right fist over his heart, giving a bow. "Apologies, my King. Forgive my outburst."

"Fandral..." Thor's anger faded and his shoulders drooped. "Please don't. The throne is still not an easy thing for me to sit on, and I...there's no point dwelling on the past. Please, my friend. I need your support. I would have brought Loki back that day if I'd thought I could, but my father-"

"Oh to Niffleheim with Odin!" Fandral snapped, though he faltered briefly at the shocked look Thor got on his face at such blatant disrespect before he clenched his fist. "He would have just left Loki there! Don't try and deny it, Thor! You know what he said on that day! 'Until it is deemed fit to release you'. Oh, what Loki did was unquestionably horrible, but...he just left him to rot. His own son!" He made a broad cut off gesture. "I was angry, furious, betrayed at what Loki had wrought! We all were! I couldn't believe it! But Odin just wanted to forget he'd ever existed! _You_ were made King! The second that happened, Odin no longer had a say!"

"I cannot undo the past, Fandral!" Thor closed his hand on Mjölnir's handle. "What good does bringing it up _now_ do?!"

Fandral made a frustrated sound. "It makes me feel better." He admitted frankly, looking away. "It makes it your fault, and not a shared blame. That is unfair of me."

Thor smiled without humor. "Your honesty is heartening, Fandral. Will you help me now to help Loki?"

"I don't know what I can do, I'm no good with children...and he's certainly acting like one. I'll try...but Volstagg would likely do better at this."

"Ultimately that is up to Loki, but I will speak with Volstagg on the matter."

Fandral nodded in agreement and turned to head back inside with Thor following. Loki pointedly ignored them both, though from his tense posture, he had definitely heard them. Fandral looked to Thor, then pulled over a chair and awkwardly tried to strike up a conversation with Loki, but Loki opted to respond only in monosyllables, and Fandral soon gave up, just sitting in stubborn discomfort until Loki proclaimed himself finished with his meal and then all but escaping with the tray, promising Thor he would ask Volstagg on his behalf.

"He came to see you, brother." Thor said gently after Fandral was gone, so Loki wouldn't think he was angry with him. "You didn't need to be so rude."

"Don't care." Loki put his arms and head down on the table and glared at him resentfully.

"...I think it must assuredly be time for bed, brother. Do you need help changing?"

Loki got to his feet and slammed his hands down on the table. "I'm not a child!" He stormed away to the bathing room and slammed the door.

Thor was left staring after him in bemusement. _Now_ what was he supposed to do? Was that outburst a sign of his old self, or a continuation of the new? It bothered Thor that he actually had no idea. He slowly stepped to the door and knocked gently. "Loki...?" He received no reply. "...Alright, brother. I'll go then, but I do wish you would talk to me. I cannot know what you want me to do if you won't tell me." Still Loki didn't respond and with great reluctance, Thor finally departed.

* * *

_It was coronation day and Thor was so nervous he'd barely been able to choke down breakfast. Being brushed, primped and prepared. More than once he'd wanted to storm off and go roll about in the mud like a child, but he'd resisted that urge the last time and he managed it again this time. He'd drank some wine for liquid courage and had allowed himself the old habit of goblet destroying because if he didn't break something he felt he might explode._

_There was something however that had added a very sour note to what was supposed to be a very joyous day, and its absence was the same thing he had been led to believe would ruin this day if it was included._

_Loki._

_He'd begged his father alone the night before to let Loki be present for his coronation, to bring him back to Asgard, end his exile. But Odin had refused, his exact words; '_I_ will not return Loki to Asgard'. It had made Thor furious, but he had managed, with effort, to keep himself from completely losing his temper. It would not do to lose his composure now, lest Odin call the whole thing off. He didn't feel ready to be King, but it was more than past time that the Allfather retire. Once Thor had the throne and the people's support, he could begin doing what needed to be done, move Asgard into a new age...bring his brother home._

_But it would all take time, time he knew Loki didn't have. He had already been in that place far too long already, but all Thor could hope was that he would be able to make it up to his little brother somehow when he had him brought home. A fine feast with their friends to welcome him home! Yes, that would be a wonderful start. He was almost smiling when the guard came to get him and tell him that it was time._

Thor awoke in a state of misery and he cursed Fandral for bringing up his coronation. He rolled over onto his side, away from Sif who was in her own space in the bed, sprawled on her back while her budding pregnancy would still allow her to take that position. He tried to return to sleep for several minutes, but his mind was far too active and he slid quietly out of bed, careful not to disturb his wife and slipped out of the sleep curtain surrounding the bed, finding that it was still deep night. He sighed softly to himself and quietly got dressed in more suitable clothing for nocturnal wandering before sneaking out of his room.

He wandered without a destination, finding himself pining for the workout room in Avengers Tower for the first time in decades. Those days were long since past however, and even the exceptionally long-lived members of the original Avengers had passed on to Valhalla or Sessrúmnir. He could travel to one of those locations, he supposed, but most likely his friends were all asleep and he didn't want to bother any of them when he didn't even know how to tell them of his upsets.

Though he had no destination in mind, he soon enough found himself at Loki's door. He hesitated for a good long minute before he quietly eased the door open and slipped inside. He moved carefully, both to keep Loki from waking up and because the night leaking in from outside didn't provide him much light.

He made it to the bed and carefully pulled back the bed curtain to peer inside. It took him a few moments to see Loki curled up in the fetal position and still fully dressed, his back to Thor. It couldn't have been comfortable, but Thor only smiled sadly. At least he had laid down on the bed this time, even if he was still in his day clothes and was atop the covers. Progress was progress nonetheless, and he would figure out how to address this at some point tomorrow if Frigga or Volstagg didn't figure it out first.

Then again, sleeping in ones dayclothes wasn't really that high on the list of concerns. Long before that came the issues of Loki's behavior and how endlessly puzzling it was. Not that any less should really have been expected of a chaotic-natured god, but its often distressing nature to both witness and to Loki himself made it something that absolutely had to be dealt with as soon as possible in the best way possible.

Thor found his mind casting through the myriads of humans he had known and befriended for any that might be able to assist Loki, but nearly every possibility was in some way unavailable-they had either gone to one of the other god's afterlives, been reincarnated or just plain wouldn't help the individual in need of their skills. Only two possibilities shone though the others; Charles Xavier and Jean Grey. Both had been powerful telepaths in life, and both were technically available.

Unfortunately, both had purportedly met Loki at least once, which made Thor hesitant to ask for their assistance. What if Loki had done something that had ended with an unresolved grudge? This was especially likely in Jean's case from what he knew of her. Perhaps Xavier was the better choice. He had been a good man, and since he was a deceased, his mind surely wouldn't be destroyed by delving into a god's psyche. Yet, were the answers really worth the possible cost to Loki, who could well be traumatized by the intrusion?

Thor sighed softly and let the curtain fall, turning away. Ruling Asgard was hard enough, but trying to figure out the best way to help his brother was proving to be perhaps his hardest trial yet. Were the Norns testing him? Testing Loki? Or-as self-centered as it seemed-was this a punishment because Thor hadn't brought his brother home the first chance he'd been given? The only sure answer was that there currently wasn't one, and with that depressing fact in mind, Thor departed to return to bed and try to sleep for the rest of the night.

* * *

Morning. Loki knew it was morning because he'd peeked out of his bed curtain and it was bright outside. He'd slept restlessly and at one point he had woken up from dreaming about a place of cold rock and giant ants, completely certain there was someone in his room and he'd been terrified to move. But now it was morning, and morning meant Thor or someone else was going to be coming to bring him food.

He sighed and rolled onto his side, idly reaching out to bat at the curtain and assure himself that it was a flimsy barrier and he could get up if he wanted to, except that he didn't want to. He felt so tired, so bone weary. What was the point? The only thing that would make Thor take the collar off was to become 'better', be not the way he was right now. Did that mean Thor wanted what the dreams seemed to be trying to tell him was how he used to be? Who would want someone who did such bad things?

He rolled onto his stomach and clutched the pillow, burying his face in it and screamed in frustration. But then an idea occurred to him and he moved to sit up, opening his curtain to peer out and make sure he was alone in his room before he let it fall again and folded his legs, thinking. If Thor wanted the old Loki, then maybe he could pretend! His mind was muddled and sluggish, but playing pretend was something he was fairly sure he used to do all the time. Even if he didn't get it quite right, maybe Thor would be fooled into thinking he was 'better' and he'd give him his freedom back!

He was so busy congratulating himself on how clever he was, that when the quiet of his room was broken by the sound of the door opening, he jumped quite a bit and clapped both hands over his mouth to keep from crying out. He sat there in tense silence, listening to the whispering voice before he marginally relaxed, realizing it was Thor. But who was with him? Probably Fandral, he decided and sighed to himself, then firmed his expression in preparation to pretend to be his old self before he moved to get out of the bed, self-consciously straightening his sleep-rumpled clothing and hair. His conviction wavered however when he found that Fandral was not the other person, but instead was Sif. He clenched his fists to fight the urge to hide.

"Good morning, brother." Thor greeted him, trying not to be too concerned from the way Loki's face had tightened when he'd seen Sif and setting down the food tray. "You remember Sif, yes?"

"Yes." Loki said tightly. "Why is she here?" It wasn't hard to deepen and firm up his voice when his emerging memories were telling him what a cruel person she was to him.

Sif arched a brow and crossed her arms while Thor straightened up, mildly surprised. "Loki?" He questioned.

"I don't want her here." Loki said. "I don't want you here either." The latter was a lie. He didn't want to be alone, and Thor was mostly good to him-except that he wasn't taking the collar off. "You can both just leave."

Thor continued to look bewildered and Loki started to wonder if he was doing it right. This was how Thor wanted him to act, wasn't it?

"You...sound better today, brother." Thor said slowly.

"Yes, I do." Loki responded. "You should take this off." He pointed at the collar, trying not to get too excited and give himself away.

Before Thor could make any decisions however, there was a solid knocking at the door and it opened to reveal a harried guard. "Your highnesses." He said breathlessly. "King Helblindi has arrived at the palace and is demanding your attendance."

"Helblindi." Thor's brows furrowed and he frowned before glancing at Loki and then Sif. "My Queen. Please stay with Loki. I'll go find out what's going on." Why had the King of Jötunheim come to Asgard? He hurried off.

"So." Sif spoke immediately after Thor had left, eyes focused on Loki. "I see you're 'better'."

"Yes." Loki answered shortly, trying not to panic. There was something in her tone he didn't like, and he liked it a lot less when she began to approach him, pulling out a dagger.

"I don't like your games, Loki." She stated bluntly, using the weapon to point at him. "I don't appreciate you toying with your family, with your brother and _my husband_." She advanced on him while he stood frozen, composure cracking until the moment the sharp edge pricked the underside of his jaw. "And I _really_ don't appreciate-"

"I'm sorry!" Loki jerked away, and cried out when the knife cut deeper into his flesh as he jerked away from it. He dropped at her feet and cowered, pressing one hand awkwardly to the underside of his jaw and the other arm trying to shield his head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Sif stared at him in irritated bewilderment. "Stop that, Loki. You're embarrassing yourself. You don't-"

"I'm sorry!" Loki cried again. "I just wanted it off! Just wanted it off!" He dropped his hand from his chin and instead simply cowered by the side of his bed, starting to cry.

For a long minute, Sif just stared at him. As first she was angry that he was pulling this game on her, but when his distress only intensified rather than giving up when he realized it wasn't working, she found she had to face an unfortunate truth; this was no act.

She absently wiped the blade on the edge of her pants before sheathing it and slowly crouched down, trying to figure out how to calm him down and the answer came suddenly. Loki was acting like a child, but he also loved them very much. Or at least, he had before.

"Loki." She intoned. "Enough crying. I made a mistake, I'm not going to hurt you. Listen. I'm with child. You'll be an uncle."

Loki didn't stop crying immediately, but he stopped cowering so much and looked at her with tear-reddened eyes. "Baby? In Sif?"

"Yes. Hopefully the next heir to the throne."

"A baby..." Loki sniffed and wiped his eyes, then uncurled slowly and crawled over to her. It was hard for Sif not to recoil from him from the strangeness of his behavior, but when he got closer and reached out to put his hand on her stomach, she let him.

"Baby." Loki stared at her midsection, looking almost wondrous. "A baby in Sif."

"Yes." Sif agreed. "A baby in me." She wasn't known for her sympathy or for really anything that could be considered 'feminine' besides her sex, but hidden under her mostly stoic mask, her heart was breaking. Though Loki had done terrible things in the short time leading up to Ragnarok, before that he had been her friend and this Loki was no villain. He was a child trapped in a man's body, and just like everyone else who had seen him before her, she had no idea what to do about it. When the chance arose however, she would definitely bring it up with Thor. This wasn't right, and somehow they had to help him. Clearly he knew how he was supposed to be, and he was still smart. Somehow they would help him. In all the Nine Worlds, there _had_ to be a solution!

When Loki moved tentatively closer to rest his ear against her stomach, even though there was nothing for him to hear or feel, she simply stroked his hair and let him.


End file.
